sitting is for wimps and losers

Parenting experts call it "cruising" - when an infant pulls himself up on furniture (or parents' legs, or family pets) and uses that object to help him move from place to place.

Sounds relatively innocuous, doesn't it?

Well, it's not. Not in Drew's hands.

Drew pulls himself up on anything and everything that will stand still long enough and that looks somewhat stable - couches, chairs, ottomans...cardboard boxes, his bouncy seat, his canvas toy box.

Then he putters alongside the object for a minute or two, until he gets so excited that he has to clap at himself - forgetting, of course, that he has yet to master a small but important skill called BALANCING, which, let's face it, is why he's holding on to furniture instead of walking.

To date, he has fallen on his head more times than I can count.

The fall is followed by a look of incredulity (the floor jumped up and hit me in the head!), a quick look around to see if I'm watching (did you SEE what that floor did to me?!?) and then a lusty wail of mixed fear and pain (the floor hurt and scared me really really really really really really very much!).

So I kiss and hug him, and then we start all over.

You may wonder what I'm doing while my son is hurling himself to the floor in reckless abandon.

I am getting drunk, that's what I'm doing.

OK, OK. Put down the phones. I'm not really drinking. I wish I was drinking, but in reality, what I am doing is hunching over like an orangutan with arthritis and chasing my son around the room with my arms outstretched, in a usually futile effort to be behind him when he capriciously decides to let go of whatever is holding him up at the moment.

Because I'm not allowed to actually hold on to him while he's cruising.

No, holding on by Mommy is strictly prohibited in Drew's Learning to Walk world. I may present an arm or a hand, and he may, should he be so inclined, grasp the proffered arm or hand, merely to steady himself, mind you, but at no point am I allowed to grab, hold or otherwise impede his ability to fall headfirst to the floor.

Needless to say, I grow tired of this game much more quickly than he does.

At this point, I attempt to encourage Drew to sit down and spend some time with his neglected toys, or watch TV, or cuddle, or do anything that doesn't involve standing.

How it works is this: I grab Drew under his arms and lean him slightly backwards while at the same time pressing down gently.

In the past (i.e. last week), this would result in him bending his hips and knees and landing, voila! in a sitting position, at which point I would distract him with a ball or stuffed animal or, in desperate situations, one very pissed housecat.

But Drew has me figured out.

Now, as I'm leaning and pressing, he locks his hips and knees and becomes completely rigid.

I press a bit more firmly. Still with locked knees, he begins to backpeddle with his feet, forcing himself up against my legs into a standing position, at which point he claps at himself.

Not to be outfoxed, I pick him up, rest his back against my chest so he's facing out, slip my hands under his knees and push upwards, hoping this will unlock his knees so I can sit him down.

He responds by stretching his whole body straight out and then wriggling as hard as he can, which puts me in the precarious position of either dropping him or lowering him gently to the floor...in a standing position.

I choose to drop him.

No, OK, I don't. He's still standing up.

Guess who gives up first?

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On another note, my friend Nancy has a new blog.  You can read about her drama here: Isn't the Lettuce Brave?

She's a liberal, but we won't hold that against her, because she has greyhounds and she's cute.

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Oh! And I think I've found a theme for Drew's birthday party.

No, I won't tell you what it is - it's a secret! You'll all find out in two months.

Comments

[Nan]

Yeah, we liberals aren't all scary patchouli-wearing birkenstock-owning hippys... Okay, well, not anymore anyway... :)

[ebeth]

I think I remember a time when you were liberal too!
:)
liz (who still wears birkenstocks but can't understand how I ever thought patchouli smelled good. Not even in a 'mmm dirt' kinda way)

[Kira]

hey, why should conservatives be only for liberals?
and i won't hold it against you that you are conservative, either :)

[Kira]

oops
i meant to say, why are comfort shoes only for liberals!!!
i need to get some sleep.