Mine mine mine, all mine: and now...the specialist

It finally happened.

I didn't want it to happen, but I guess eight ear infections in 18 months is the magic number or something, because we got referred to an ENT specialist.

Anyone who has children knows exactly what an ENT is. For the unenlightened, ENT stands for Ear, Nose and Throat. A quick Google search provides me with the information that more than half of all physician's office visits are for ENT problems.

Well. At least now I know what I want Drew to grow up to be.

But anyway. According to Drew's medical records, he has suffered from an ear infection approximately every six weeks since he was born, with the first one arriving a scant two months after his birth.

Now the ENT may not recommend surgery, but then again, he may. I know ear tube surgery is one of the most, if not the most, common surgeries performed on infants and children. I know it's a very safe procedure. I know it will provide almost instant relief from pain, instant restoration of any hearing loss and it will significantly limit future infections.

But dammit, this is my 19-month-old son, and I don't want anybody poking holes into his eardrums! Am I crazy for feeling that way?

I blame myself for this anyway. See, Drew suffers from seasonal allergies, also known as hay fever. (technically, "allergic rhinitis" - have you learned something new today yet?)

If you are lucky enough to never have experienced hay fever, let me describe it, you know, medical-like:

Basically, in the springtime and early summer, trees and grass produce tiny little yellow nuggets of death called pollen. For most people, the yellow death nuggets are simply an annoyance they have to scrape off of their windshields every afternoon. For me (and millions of others like me!), pollen sends my immune system into hyper-spastic overdrive. Imagine using an M16 to kill a pesky fly. That's my immune system reacting to pollen.

The outcome? Constantly running nose; watery, itchy eyes; an annoying tickle in the back of my throat that I can't reach without gagging myself (very pleasant) and numerous bouts of sneezing.

If one parent suffers from allergic rhinitis, the chances of an offspring of that parent suffering from the same are 48 percent.

But, you may say, it's not your fault that you suffer from hay fever! You can't be blamed for passing this on to your child! And what does all this have to do with ear infections anyway?

OK, OK, I'm getting to all of that...jeez...I'm trying to tell a story here.

First of all, it is totally and unequivocally my fault that I suffer from hay fever.

Growing up, I was completely allergy-free. I could bathe in a huge mound of pollen and never even shed a tear. My middle sister, Jennifer, on the other hand, suffered mightily. She coughed, she sneezed, she watered and teared and cried and took shots and it was just generally awful for her, I'm sure.

Most mornings, she would wake up so miserable that she'd spend the first half hour of the day coughing and sneezing. Being the supportive and caring older sister that I was, my response to her misery was to tell her that if she couldn't stop coughing so loud, could she at least go outside, you know, so she wouldn't wake up those of us who needed our sleep?

So now it's payback time. God looked down upon me and He said, "If thou wilt be an asshole, I wilt smite thee for all eternity and thy offspring as well unto the end of time forever and ever amen."

So now I suffer from hay fever every spring and summer, and now it appears that my son will, too.

For Drew, however, there is the added complication of his age, which means he is prone to ear infections whenever he has any cold-like symptoms, such as those that accompany hay fever.

Toddler + hay fever = runny nose = ear infection X 8 = referral to ENT specialist.

See kids? Math can be fun!