Mine mine mine, all mine

pictures from the playground

Having a serious conversation with Dad. Probably trying to convince him that it is, in fact, OK to ingest the wood chip he found on the ground.

Driving Mom. A foretaste of times to come, except I probably won't be smiling when he's really learning to drive. In fact, I probably won't be in the same car. Or in the same state, for that matter.

Hmm, just a bit out of reach. Time to practice those climbing skills?

A sweaty Drew is captivated by a bug. We take him to a playground chock full of things to climb on, slide down or crawl through, and he wants to chase bugs.

Time for a short break. I'm surprised I got this shot, because he only sat there for about 3 seconds before jumping down and running off across the playground.

What better way to end a day at the playground than with a serving of cotton-candy-flavored ice cream?

In other news, we finally managed to score an appointment with the ENT (ear, nose & throat, for the childless among us) specialist, who promptly informed us that he would, indeed, like to place tubes in our child's ears.

Quelle surprise.

Surgery is scheduled for the first week in June.

Surgery. On my baby. Someone sedate me.

I know it's a very common procedure - hell, half the kids in his daycare class have ear tubes - but still...it's my baby. And he'll be gassed to sleep and someone is going to poke holes in parts of his body.

At the same time, though, I am definitely looking forward to not having to spend an entire summer carting him back and forth to the doctor (at $25 a pop) to get yet another round of antibiotic (another $20) that will clear up the ear infection which will then promptly return in five weeks, lather, rinse, repeat.

He's been off the latest round of amoxicillin for two weeks, and already I can tell he's gearing up for the next infection - slightly runny nose, watery eyes...the signs are all there. So hopefully the tubes will break the cycle.

And finally, after much thought and some wrenchingly honest observations about our personality defects, Charles and I have decided that we need to hire a professional to paint our downstairs. During our soul-searching, we came to the conclusion that we both are:

1) Almost neurotically impatient
2) Psychotically perfectionistic
and 3) Lazy

None of these traits lend themselves to performing well in any team-oriented task of manual labor.

Come of think of it, none of these traits lend themselves to performing well in any civilized society.

So, we've requested a few quotes from some local painters. This should be good for a few days of irritation and general pissiness.

crazy dog people...

Yesterday, me, my friend Nan and Drew took a day trip to the Clemson Kennel Club dog show. It was free, and I figured it would be fun for Drew to see all the different kinds of dogs.

Drew had a great time, strolling around, pointing at all the big dogs and small dogs and hairy dogs and sleek dogs and my I sound a bit like Dr. Seuss here.

Now, I have always lived with dogs, since I was a young child, and I currently share my home with a greyhound. So I'm not a total rank amateur when it comes to my child and dogs. As we strolled around, I never approached a dog with Drew unless its owner told me it was OK. I never let Drew get near a dog unless the owner invited us to pet it and I kept a close eye on Drew to make sure he didn't poke or try to hit.

Most of the dog owners at the show were very friendly. They smiled and talked to Drew and let Drew pet their dogs and all was well. Some of them, though...they acted like because they happened to own a purebred dog, they were some higher class of being that should be admired and worshipped from afar....very afar. They looked down their noses and sniffed and backed away as if even being in the proximity of a toddler would somehow despoil their pet.

Hello, people. It's a dog. It may be a purebred, but it still licks its own butt just like a mutt from the Humane Society.

And if your dog is aggressive, then perhaps you shouldn't be taking it out in public. We generally don't allow people who attack other people to run around free, so we certainly shouldn't allow dogs to.

But I'm trying not to let the pomposity of a few overbearing and obviously unwholesomely obsessed nutballs ruin what was, overall, a very nice day.

And thank goodness for Nan, who apparently knows every breed of dog in the universe by sight and was able to whisper to me what they were so I could look intelligent by saying, "Drew, look at that English Springer Spaniel!" instead of "Drew, look at that short dog with the long, floppy ears!"

And now, for some Monday Madness:

1. List three words that describe YOU.
Obsessive, scatterbrained, amiable

2. List three words that describe YOUR HOME.
Untidy, comfortable, cheerful

3. List three words that describe YOUR TOWN.
Greenville is Southern, homey and traditional

4. List three words that describe YOUR STATE.
South Carolina is sweltering, conservative and pollen-laden (is that one word, or two? we'll say one)

the irony

Irony is:

Sitting in your son's daycare room, reading him a book about sharing, while he yells, "No!" and "Mine!" at any child who comes near him.

I'm not sure if the "mine" was referring to the book or to me, because he yelled it any time someone touched either.

Still no word from the ENT. He's supposed to call me, but seeing as it's Friday, I sincerely doubt I'll get a call from him today, as he's a doctor and it's a law that all doctors must play golf on Fridays. It's supposed to rain today, though, so ha ha Mr. M.D. have fun in the downpour and that's what you get for not calling me.

Last night for dinner we had Ramen-Chicken stirfry, and I discovered another vegetable that Drew will eat without complaint. I'm compiling a list...a short one...it includes carrots and...

Water chestnuts. Of all the weird...

What exactly is a water chestnut anyway? They're ubiquitous in Chinese food, but I've never actually been clear on what one is.

This is where Google really shines:

"The water chestnut, also called the Chinese water chestnut or the water caltrop, is a tuber vegetable that resembles a chestnut in color and shape...Originating in Southeast Asia, water chestnuts are the roots of an aquatic plant that grows in freshwater ponds, marshes and lakes, and in slow-moving rivers and streams."

So, it grows in the water and it looks like a chestnut. I guess that explains the creative name.

As a point of interest, the Google Ad that popped up on the page describing water chestnuts was titled, "Look Sexy Naked."

If water chestnuts will make me do that, I'll eat them by the pound.

and now...the specialist

It finally happened.

I didn't want it to happen, but I guess eight ear infections in 18 months is the magic number or something, because we got referred to an ENT specialist.

Anyone who has children knows exactly what an ENT is. For the unenlightened, ENT stands for Ear, Nose and Throat. A quick Google search provides me with the information that more than half of all physician's office visits are for ENT problems.

Well. At least now I know what I want Drew to grow up to be.

But anyway. According to Drew's medical records, he has suffered from an ear infection approximately every six weeks since he was born, with the first one arriving a scant two months after his birth.

Now the ENT may not recommend surgery, but then again, he may. I know ear tube surgery is one of the most, if not the most, common surgeries performed on infants and children. I know it's a very safe procedure. I know it will provide almost instant relief from pain, instant restoration of any hearing loss and it will significantly limit future infections.

But dammit, this is my 19-month-old son, and I don't want anybody poking holes into his eardrums! Am I crazy for feeling that way?

I blame myself for this anyway. See, Drew suffers from seasonal allergies, also known as hay fever. (technically, "allergic rhinitis" - have you learned something new today yet?)

If you are lucky enough to never have experienced hay fever, let me describe it, you know, medical-like:

Basically, in the springtime and early summer, trees and grass produce tiny little yellow nuggets of death called pollen. For most people, the yellow death nuggets are simply an annoyance they have to scrape off of their windshields every afternoon. For me (and millions of others like me!), pollen sends my immune system into hyper-spastic overdrive. Imagine using an M16 to kill a pesky fly. That's my immune system reacting to pollen.

The outcome? Constantly running nose; watery, itchy eyes; an annoying tickle in the back of my throat that I can't reach without gagging myself (very pleasant) and numerous bouts of sneezing.

If one parent suffers from allergic rhinitis, the chances of an offspring of that parent suffering from the same are 48 percent.

But, you may say, it's not your fault that you suffer from hay fever! You can't be blamed for passing this on to your child! And what does all this have to do with ear infections anyway?

OK, OK, I'm getting to all of that...jeez...I'm trying to tell a story here.

First of all, it is totally and unequivocally my fault that I suffer from hay fever.

Growing up, I was completely allergy-free. I could bathe in a huge mound of pollen and never even shed a tear. My middle sister, Jennifer, on the other hand, suffered mightily. She coughed, she sneezed, she watered and teared and cried and took shots and it was just generally awful for her, I'm sure.

Most mornings, she would wake up so miserable that she'd spend the first half hour of the day coughing and sneezing. Being the supportive and caring older sister that I was, my response to her misery was to tell her that if she couldn't stop coughing so loud, could she at least go outside, you know, so she wouldn't wake up those of us who needed our sleep?

So now it's payback time. God looked down upon me and He said, "If thou wilt be an asshole, I wilt smite thee for all eternity and thy offspring as well unto the end of time forever and ever amen."

So now I suffer from hay fever every spring and summer, and now it appears that my son will, too.

For Drew, however, there is the added complication of his age, which means he is prone to ear infections whenever he has any cold-like symptoms, such as those that accompany hay fever.

Toddler + hay fever = runny nose = ear infection X 8 = referral to ENT specialist.

See kids? Math can be fun!

Is it Monday again?

Monday Madness

1. Sleeping in for me means sleeping until______
8 a.m. During the week, we have to get up by 6 a.m. in order to get everyone out of the house and to work/daycare on time. On the weekends, Drew is usually awake and ready to play by 7 a.m., but rarely (with the help of Benedryl...um...never mind...I don't drug my child) he will sleep until 8.

2. Staying up late means I don't go to bed until_____
11 p.m. is pretty late for me. You may think that means I'm old, but by God, I went to bed by 11 p.m. when I was in college, too. So, basically, yes, I have always been this lame.

3. I probably spend more time _____ than I would like.
Zoning out. I find myself more and more lately saying the phrase, "What? Could you repeat that?" If it doesn't have the words "on fire" in it somewhere, the first utterance of a sentence probably isn't going to grab my attention. Charles has taken to formulating such creative attention-grabbers as this: "Honey, would you please hand me a towel because Drew's on fire?"

4. And I don't spend nearly enough time _____
Paying attention, obviously.

5. I have zero tolerance for _____
People who cause their own problems through their own stupidity and then attempt to pass themselves off as a victim.
Oh, and restaurants that don't serve sweet tea. We live in the South, for God's sake. Not serving sweet tea is like leaving the house with no pants on.

6. I have a lot of patience when it comes to _____
My son. I'm normally a very impatient person, but since I became a mother, I have found reserves of patience I'd never have guessed I had.