flatulence aplenty

I have lived a sheltered life.

Until this past weekend, I had never shared my bed with a large dog. (unless you count one of my ex-boyfriends, but calling him a dog would be an insult to all canine-kind - if you're reading this, you know who you are...) And until this past weekend, I had never known what it was like to be trapped in a room surrounded by four very large farting machines.

Well, there was that time in college, but I think it was a sorority hazing incident, which I'm pretty sure is why I became an independent.

Anyway.

Those dogs could flat out release some gas. I'm talking flatulence that could rupture your eyeballs.

What the hell is she yammering on about? My trip to Gatlinburg for Mountain Hounds '06 is what.

This is an annual gathering of greyhounds and their housekeeping staff (i.e. owners), for the purpose of random butt-sniffing. Amongst the greyhounds. Not the staff.

It was a lot of fun other than the farting. I finally made Nancy go buy an economy-sized can of Lysol air freshener, so then the hotel room smelled a little less like doggie ass and a little more like doggie ass in a giant lemon tree grove.

And, despite my initial proclamations to the contrary, I did finally break down and let one of Nancy's dogs share my bed with me. Profile was quite gentlemanly - he pretty much stayed on his side of the bed and he only slobbered on me once, which is way more than I can say for my husband.

Here are the offenders. From the left, Nancy's dogs Profile and Jeannie, my dog Simon and Nancy's dog Hunk.

Here's Nan with her crew - Hunk is gazing fondly at her as if to say, "Don't hate me because I'm stinky."

Here's me and Nan and the zoo, preparing to go for a walk through downtown Gatlinburg with about 200 other greys and their owners. And there was much butt sniffage. Again, not the owners.

And here are the doggies in Nan's SUV on the way home. The way home that should have taken three hours, but instead took six because Nan let me navigate - a mistake I'm sure she will never make again.

In my defense, the map we were using was made by MapQuest, which is unholy and not of our Lord.

I'll also have you know that despite four dogs in a hotel room for two days and two nights, there was not a single unseemly loss of bladder control. Not one. Again, we're talking about the dogs here, people, keep up.

In other news, Drew had his ear ventilation tube surgery yesterday.

I was a nervous wreck, but he was completely oblivious. The only concern he had was that he couldn't eat or drink anything after midnight, and his surgery wasn't until 9 a.m. As soon as the surgery was over, we took him to Stax Omega for grits, eggs and toast, and it was as if nothing had happened. Amazing.

My heart squeezed quite a bit when I saw the nurse carrying him off to the surgery room, he with his stuffed Tigger doll tucked under his arm. He looked so innocent and trusting. He didn't know mommy and daddy were going to let him get gassed to sleep so a doctor could poke holes into his eardrums.

I hope the cheesy grits made up for it a little bit.

Comments

[Nancy Lassiter]

Yay for Drew!!! Glad that went okay, I was thinking about you yesterday.

So where are the rest of the pictures, missy? Don't make me set off another GH-GAS bomb!

[Amy]

I picked the best ones out of the bunch, but when I get home with the CD I will send you all of them.
Well, all of the ones that don't make me look fat.

[ebeth]

sounds like you guys had fun - well, smelly fun, but still fun.

glad Drew came through things a-o-k Amy. Is tubes a day surgery? I'm sure it was mega tough watching him being taken away, I would've cried, I'm sure.

Here, I'm told, you hold them while they put them to sleep and you're there when they wake up.

[Amy]

It was outpatient surgery - the whole process from lights out to waking up only took about 15 minutes.
We weren't able to be there when they put him to sleep, but they did let us come back to the recovery room before he woke up, so we were there to hold him when he came out of the anesthesia.

[Nancy Lassiter]

You went to the right hospital then...I interpreted a surgery at a hospital in Greenville once and they would not allow an interpreter in the recovery room until the child was ready to move back to her regular room...and the child was deaf...child abuse if you ask me but no one did. Anyway...

Still waiting on those pictures... :)